Dream Logic (or Why I Should Stop Following Amanda Palmer on Twitter)

The following blog post is entirely based on a dream I had last night. There really is no point to it, other than I thought it was fun and a little strange.

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Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far from reality, a little Mutant Girl found herself in a bit of a quandary

Being a bit of an anxious young lady, Mutant Girl fretted over her attire for the upcoming party. She had to look beautiful. She had to look fascinating. She had to look unique. You see, Mutant Girl did not have a great many friends and she was looking to this party as a means of getting to know people and finding herself some companionship.

She thought long and she thought hard about what she would wear. Suddenly, Mutant Girl had a brainwave.

Furry green legwarmers were the perfect accessory for her party outfit. How did she not think of this earlier? Such a show of megafashionability! Such style. So stylish, in fact, that nobody had even thought to make them yet. She checked high and low through shops and markets but nobody was selling the sought-after furry green legwarmers. Mutant Girl realized what she must do, she would have to buy the furry green fabric and create the legwarmers all by herself.

So she stitched and she stitched and she sewed and she sewed, putting all her love into the pieces of luxuriously soft, green fur. She rubbed her cheeks against it, rubbing her cheeks against things being one of Mutant Girl's favourite pastimes. 

As time passed, Mutant Girl became more and more enamoured with the furry, green fabric and less and less enthusiastic about her previous idea of creating a fabulous pair of legwarmers with which to attract friends. She was wondering what to do when out of the blue she had a very peculiar visitor.

Suddenly, Mutant Girl knew what she wanted to do with her no-longer-legwarmers

And with that, Amanda Palmer was gone as mysteriously as she had arrived.

Mutant Girl worked furiously into the night, devoting all of her love and attention to her new project. She had a goal now, she knew what she was doing and she was very excited. For hours and hours she stitched her furry green fabric until at last she was finished.

.His name was Griswold and she loved him with all her might. "Who needs to go to a party to make friends," thought our little Mutant Girl, "when one can simply stay at home and create one of her very own?" From that moment on, Mutant Girl and Griswold were inseperable. She took him everywhere with her, including to Amanda Palmer's ninja gig for the local Polish community.

And everybody lived happily ever after. Apart from the xenophobic bastards.
I'm not too sure how that poor faceless man fared either.

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Foot Notes:

1. I have many dreams about Amanda Palmer. In almost all of them she gets her boobs out.

The Tale of Cuthbert and the Drama Llama

Once upon a time I had a close-knit group of friends. We shared laughs, we told secrets, we cried together and loved together and breathed together. We were inseparable, friends until the very end. We would grow up together, be each others' bridesmaids, care for each others' babies. It was the dream. There would be no stopping us.

Then one by one, each of them was taken down by the Drama Llama, a ferocious beast who makes his way into social circles and destroys them. He spreads malicious lies and rumours, starts arguments and slander until everyone is divided. Even the mightiest of friendships can crumble when the Drama Llama is present.

But he is not the only one to blame, there was also Cuthbert, the raging ball of paranoia who lives in my head.

Cuthbert fed off my sensitivity. He plagued my mind with a torrent of venom powerful enough to cripple me with self-loathing. Cuthbert was right, I wasn't really their friend. I was just this irritating, disgusting human who followed them about. Nobody in their right mind would be friends with me. The paranoia took root, I was left unable to think clearly. I didn't contact anybody for fear of rejection. They would only be annoyed that I was still trying to be their friend. The love I felt for them turned into bitterness at how I was never accepted, never truly part of the group. It hurt.

Growing apart is all part of growing up, they say. I can't accept that though, I will always blame Cuthbert and the Drama Llama.

Losing my friends hurt for the longest time, I felt betrayed and alone. But not any more, now I have friends who will love me for who I am no matter what, who understand that sometimes Cuthbert gets into my head and who know how to help banish him. I love them with enough ferocity and power to light up a thousand cities. Sure I still miss the other guys from time to time, I miss the laughs we shared and everything we ever experienced together, but I suppose our time has come. Those who were driven away by the Drama Llama are unlikely to ever come back to me, but I no longer hold on to hope. The people in my life now are all I need. I've let go of the bitterness and resentment.

So here's to friendships new and old, and appreciating the people you have in your life.