Monday, 30 January 2012

Inside the Mind of a Mutant

I was sitting and I was thinking about how I couldn't blog because my head was too full up and I couldn't think of anything to write about and then in all the confusion I managed to have a brainwave. Why not just try and explain what this is that is in your head? Maybe it could be interesting.

So where have I been? Oh, I've been many places. I've been here, there and everywhere. There are stories in there somewhere but I can't get them out through the fog of thinkingthinkingthinking. It happens to me, all these thoughts happen and create a thick smog that covers the outer reaches of my mind and leaves me teetering on the edge of mania. It's a LAUGHSCREAMCRY waiting to come out because I've left it all too long and it's clogged up my brain. It's hysterical confusion. Sometimes though, it isn't like that. Sometimes it's like the thoughts decide that they have lain still for too long and they must all at once start rushing around, trying to find their place. When this happens it's like playing Break Out with too many balls, it's a frenzy that I have to try so hard to keep up with lest the thoughts fall off screen and then it would be Game Over.

You see all the thoughts are special and they have their own special place, but there are too many of them and  if I were to sit and try to organize them I wouldn't know where to start. It's a daunting task and one that should not be taken lightly. And then when you try you realise that all those things you've been fretting about and worrying yourself over are nothing. They are small and insignificant and really don't make much sense. Why is your brain so clogged, Robyn? You have not got thoughts that are too big for this world. But still they are there, pressure mounting, head feeling like an about-to-boil kettle that never quite gets around to it. They make you feel dejected and weak and unable to face even the simplest of tasks. They are nothing but they are huge and weigh more than the sun and they are sitting inside your head making you stoop like you are elderly.

This is why I haven't been around much, if you can make any sense of it. You probably can't, that's why I've avoided doing this. It is my head, laid bare for everyone to see. It is raw and it is nonsense and it is mine.

Now I'm going to go and celebrate my head being intact and non-exploded by eating a great many doughnuts. They are sugary and full of jam and I am going to keep myself from licking my lips between bites.

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